21. Whatever

His Friday’s training was completely about his technique to prevent him of dying from drowning, he still wasn’t able to reduce the time to make the icy bubble or to increase his time underwater without breathing. And because of that he was frustrated and angry beyond words.

He had already try some ideas from his trainers, some were even to prevent that any other person kept him under water, however he was more worried if he was trapped by whatever means an enemy could had that he couldn’t fight against.

It was his idea and solution, and still it became an impossible thing to do, something so useless that probably made him lose his time for the past week. If it didn’t make it possible, then they could start to think that he really wanted to die back then. Nor that it was a bad idea lately.

Without noticing, he ended up stepping wrongly when he was landing before arriving to the Etc.’s building. The pain came from his toes to his hip, it left him breathless and a bit dizzy. After his discovery time as the protector, he realized that his pain resistance was not bad, it sure hurt whenever he hit or got a major injury, pain was not less hard but what he counted it as resistance was that the pain never lasted too long if he forced himself to distract his mind about it. Which wasn’t easily to do when the pain was so strong, like in that moment.

He couldn’t tell if he broke, dislocated, or just sprained it, and before he could seat to check it, the Awkward Boy came out the building, looking so happy to see him again so soon.

“Hey, I was gonna grab some snacks and a cake for Nightjar, tomorrow is his birthday, wanna come?” The moment he said “gonna”, Teshal knew he would ask him to join, and he couldn’t tell him he just broke his ankle while arriving, so he had to comply and forget about his pain. He had the ability to cure himself, but for that he needed to arrange his bones or whatever was out of its place.

“Sure” he answered, biting his tongue so his pain wouldn’t show. In the end, it could be like an extension of his common training to endure pain and injuries.

When they came back, he ran to the restroom to fix himself, unfortunately it was a sprain. If it was a broken or dislocated bone, curing was easier because his ability was to reactivate his cells to faster the regeneration, even moving cell from different stratus and making them adapt; but with a sprain, something so small, his cells wouldn’t cooperate, neither with a superficial cut or a muscular contraction. If it was not a wound that put his life in danger, his body cured itself at his own pace.

And now he shouldn’t show his pain because it could make the Awkward Boy feel guilty for not letting him rest, although it was his own fault for not saying anything. Sighing, he froze his ankle to lighten the pain and came out the restroom.

All the afternoon and night they celebrated, they were happy speaking of past birthdays with them or their families, presents, travels and a lot of stuff. All around was an air of happiness and camaraderie, warmth and joy.

However, he didn’t feel there. Laughs were as if distant, he smiled when they did but couldn’t erase the feeling that it was a fake one; even when they asked him to share some past experiences, what came out his mouth felt like lies, something that wasn’t his. He wasn’t feeling as himself because he couldn’t tell which one was there.

If it was Teshal, the shy and calm boy that loved his family more than anything; The Protector all the islanders loved and trusted; Thesaurus, who spent his free time talking about non important matters with a bunch of people who he didn’t know their true names; or if it was the new protector, that mask he put over himself to be what the people needed, what his family expected and who had so many thoughts buried too deep in his heart that he couldn’t differentiate them anymore.

He started to feel his body as if it weren’t his, his felt a prickling sensation al over his palms, his head fuzzy and disoriented. When everybody was still laughing, he excused with his phone on his hand as if he had a call, that way he was able to come out the place.

When his training ended, he was sure he wanted to come, he needed the calmness that place gave him, his frustration of the week was meant to be overcome with their inconsequential chats. He craved for that normality, but now he couldn’t shake the awful feeling that was not like it.

“Hey, are you going in?” asked Orange, one of the oldest women in the group, she had just arrived when he was seating in the stairs near the door to the apartment where they reunited.

“Oh… um… not yet…” he said.

“It’s ok if you had to go, I tell them you received a call.” He finally focused his eyes in her after listening to her. “There’s moments when happiness feels really overwhelming, when you feel like you can’t follow up with the rest, and it’s okay. No one will blame you, kid. You’re strong even if you don’t feel like it right now.”

“I…” for a second, his eyes became watery, he got a lump in his throat that he couldn’t broke.

“Go, or wait, if that’s what you need.”

“I’ll go… thanks and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, we’ll see you any other day you want.” With that, Orange smiled and went to the door, knocking until he had left.