sábado, 28 de diciembre de 2019

My love

Hi, my love, and I'm sorry I'm here again.
I was missing how those words tasted
And feeling unprepared to let someone else in
Because today I dreamed
Some long waited words were said
After 10 years I thought forgotten.

Lately I've been remembering
Your lips, your eyes, your warmth
And our untitled and short love
Thinking about all the happiness I found
You gave me and more
As if I was willing to let it go.

Hey, I'm sorry for all this
Because I can't get over it
Or pretend it didn't mean the light for me
I'm sorry because every time you came to me
All I want to say is Thank You
And I wanna hope you felt like this
Before the bond was cut-off.

I wonder when I'll feel like this again
If I'll ever find someone to call
My love.

martes, 19 de noviembre de 2019

Nahual


Tu alrededor está cubierto de hojas secas, todas teñidas de los colores característicos del otoño. El viento las remueve y tira nuevas para completar el tapete que decora y oculta la tierra de abajo; debería sentirse frío, lo normal en esa época, sin embargo no te hace temblar. Seguramente la ropa que llevas es suficiente.

Deseas enterrar tus pies desnudos en la humedad bajo las hojas o pisarlas para escuchar ese crujido tan reconocido y relajante que tienes bien grabado en la memoria. Levantabas tu pie para sentirlo, cuando detrás de ti escuchaste los pesados y apresurados pasos de una persona; volteaste a ver lo que sucedía, te sorprendes de ver que el hombre está más lejos de lo que escuchaste, mas no te detienes a pensar en ello pues lo ves ir directo hacia ti.

Sientes como cada célula de tu cuerpo reacciona al peligro inminente aun cuando no eres capaz de entender por qué sería así cuando lo único que observas es a un hombre, llevando una escoba en la mano como arma, correr hacia donde estás. Sabes que eres su objetivo, que el palo de ese objeto acabará golpeando tu espalda o cabeza, no importa que no entiendas el motivo, si lo ofendiste o si solo se trata de un hombre loco.

Antes de que esté a cinco metros de ti, los músculos de tu cuerpo se contrajeron y flexionaron, listos para empezar la carrera que te alejará de él. ¿Por qué no te has detenido a hablar con él? ¿Por qué no le gritas que se detenga? ¿Por qué sientes que si lo enfrentas, él será quien terminará herido?

Corres tan rápido como puedes, de tu boca no sale nada más que tu aliento, no tienes miedo ni enojo, simplemente sabes que lo mejor que puedes hacer es alejarte, salir de ese lugar de inmediato e ir a tu casa.

Pasas entres árboles y pastos tan altos que te llegan a los muslos, en medio de la noche puedes ver bien hacia dónde correr para no golpearte ni caer en los hoyos del parque en el que te encuentras. Recuerdas bien que siempre has disfrutado de pasear en ese lugar porque es casi tan parecido a un bosque de verdad, sabes que esa tarde llegaste ahí por la misma razón que lo hiciste en el pasado: buscando un poco de tranquilidad. No obstante, no entiendes cómo es que aún te encuentras dentro de este sitio, sabiendo que antes del atardecer ya se encuentra cerrado.

No crees posible que ese hombre piense que estás ahí para robar, aunque tampoco estás seguro de que no lo estabas. Recuerdas quién es tu familia, el sitio donde vives, sabes quién eres a pesar de que no recuerdas cómo eres, el físico lo sabes, mas no tu forma normal de comportarte. Tal vez es normal que la gente te persiga de esa manera porque los ofendes o porque, en el peor de los casos, dañaste a alguien o algo importante para ellos. Tal vez acabaste ahí porque alguien te engañó y te abandonó en ese lugar, tal vez te perdiste porque eres malo orientándote o te distrajiste. ¿Eras una persona buena? ¿Alguien malo?

Comienzas a preguntarte si cuando regreses a tu casa ¿las personas con las que vives o conoces notarán que te comportas diferente? ¿Serás la misma persona con la que ellos están familiarizados o no te podrán reconocer?

Es hasta ese momento en que te asustas. Te das cuenta de que si no le hablas al hombre es porque no tienes voz, nada sale de tu boca más que sonidos sofocados y algo similar a gruñidos de desesperación. Y, además, no sabes si la gente que conoces querrá ayudarte o perjudicarte.

No es como si, de todas formas, tuvieras muchas opciones más que ir a los sitios que conoces, no puedes huir de ese hombre toda la noche, pronto sentirás el cansancio que podría impedirte regresar a tu casa, pronto podría atraparte. Es por eso que cambias de ruta, recuerdas dónde se encuentra la salida, debes alejarte de ese lugar y buscar respuestas. El único inconveniente es que tu escape se encuentra detrás del que te persigue, no más de diez metros lejos de ti y ya no quieres volver a internarte.

Decides encararlo, aprovechando que sigue muchos pasos detrás de ti, te detienes a recuperar un poco de aliento, lo observas directamente a los ojos. Notas que va bajando la velocidad, preparado para seguir la dirección que vayas a tomar, aunque tú hayas decidido que irás de frente.
Ya no corres, caminas hacia él, tratas de mostrarte más tranquilo, casi quieres decirle que no quieres más problemas y que estás dispuesto a irte sin más. Nada más has dado tres pasos cuando lo ves detenerse en seco, todo el color de su piel desaparece como si no pudiera creer lo que ve. Por unos segundos piensas en darte la vuelta y ver si hay algo atrás de ti, sin embargo estás seguro de que te está viendo a ti.

Das un par de pasos más cuando él se gira y se aleja de ti, no corre aunque sí avanza con rapidez.

—¿Qué fue…?

Las primeras palabras dejan tu boca, lo que te sorprende. De pronto el pasto no está tan alto, la silueta del hombre se ha perdido entre las sombras que parecen mucho más densas que antes, ya no llegan los mismos olores y sonidos que antes.

Te diriges a la salida antes de que regrese con antorchas o pistolas, sabes que es posible. Una vez fuera, tanto del parque como de la vista de las personas que oyes conversar, escuchas algo que te hace detener tu huida del sitio.

—… lo estoy diciendo, tú lo viste —escuchas a un hombre decir, posiblemente el que te seguía, así que quieres saber qué lo asustó—. Era un perro negro, se detuvo y… y… se levantó, era una persona, ya no un perro…

miércoles, 21 de agosto de 2019

Death


From time to time there was some souls who caught Death’s eyes, even after the changes in their bodies, Death was still able to recognize them. That was one of the things it liked to do when if had some free time.

This time was looking at a young boy, possibly no more than twenty-two. He was feeding some stray cats not so far from his house, the cats were happily walking around him, asking to be pet and some leaving their scents on him. Some where chasing out each other, but whenever he scolded them, they’d stop.

The next time Death went to look for him, he was walking alone in a big park inside his city. Following him, without him to notice, was Death and a little group of street cats. When the animals looked at Death, they lowered their ears with their fur bristled, even after it assure them it wasn’t here to take his soul, they were not completely relaxed. Who would?

Even so, it walked with them, standing some meters away from where the boy was serving food to them. He was happy, although he was kind of complaining of how from being three cats, now there were almost ten. He didn’t know why, but Death knew.

The first time Death noticed this soul, he was nothing more than a pigeon. Its colors too common, its height and form too normal, even its toes were incomplete and some even deformed. Nothing out of ordinary except that it was sleeping alongside two street cats.

One cat black and the other gray and white, with their backs touching the other one while the pigeon rested over the gray one. Sleeping in a dirty and dark alley in which they were hiding, no one disturbed them, no one payed any attention to them but Death, because it wasn’t common to see that kind of interaction between species.

After Death went back, it looked around to the past lives of the pigeon’s soul, finding it had a high ratio to being reborn as a cat. It was one of those few souls that carried a predilection to be born in one species, no matter how many times if was reborn. Every time it came back as a cat, it would became a leader. If it was a female, she would rise a lot of abandoned kittens, and sometimes led them to good humans. If it was a male, it would be the fiercer and the one that protected the weakest cats, sometimes even helping them to run away from their homes.

But even if that soul didn’t reborn as a cat, if it could move around and be stronger than most cats, it’ll be a protector to them. When it couldn’t do much, like when a pigeon or any other little mammal, the cats would surround it to guard it. Likewise, if the soul reborn as an insignificant or unmovable being, it would die in a few days (sometimes hours).

Death knew it, it was a capricious soul, dramatic some even could say. If it couldn’t be with cats or if it was too desperate to be a cat anew, it would take its own life, direct or indirectly. Only because it wasn’t a tired soul, Death let it be, knowing how good it was for the cats and that it could never do any harm to no one being as it was.

“Kind, fierce and lovely soul, I can see it in your eyes” Death whispered without taking its eyes out of the boy smiling to the cats. “You no longer want to be in this life, you want to be a cat again, but let me tell you, I’ll force you to be here a few years more, until you can fulfill your dream.”

When Death turned around, it came to face a young tree. It was a willow, no more than ten years old, its trunk still too thin so it was growing a bit crooked. It might look as the leaves were the reason, but Death knew.

Caressing its leaves, “It’s been just ten years and you’re already tired? You shouldn’t even have conscience, N.” After that Death went back to its job.

miércoles, 3 de julio de 2019

Did you learnt your lesson?

It was calm, quiet and empty. Now that the mist has dissipated, he could finally watch how the town was made. All the houses were built the same way with two floors and a wall surrounding their gardens, all of them painted in white with some black details. Even the bigger buildings were the same color, although there were no walls.

He walked until he reached one house, the only one without walls. Everything was the same except for those protective walls, it was because of it that he entered when the mist was there.

He was tired of all the fighting, he was feeling the rush of the moment, as he felt the fear. He went in looking for a place to rest, he thought that would be a nice escape. He never thought about the people, he just wanted to fit in and rest; so when a girl showed up and didn't scream, he was amused.

She wasn't alone, of course, but she was warm and good, offering him water, food and a seat. She was afraid of the mist, of the war outside, however she wanted to help, she wanted for her loved ones feel good, be at peace.

He wanted to see himself in her eyes, he wanted to understand her and learnt. Until the noise came, the fighting outside was coming closer. They were together nothing more than a few minutes, still that was more than enough for him to feel warmth, peace and gratitude.

Fear crawled all over him, he couldn't be close to no one, troubles and sadness was everything he was able to provide. If he stayed with her, she wouldn't live through it, a heavy burden will become.

"Come out with them in ten minutes after I leave, put a mask on your faces and don't breathe the mist" he warned her, seeing they have some pretty useful mask in display. "If you walk to the north, you'll find a safe place."

With nothing more to say, he wore his own mask and came out to the mist, getting the attention of all that were close by, he lead them away so she and her loved ones could ran away.

Now that he was seeing the place empty, he wondered why that was the only house without walls, how was even possible for him to enter without breaking any window or lock.

"Maybe they let you in" the voice of his companion rang next to his ear, he didn't notice the other followed him, which was one of his usual habits. "But why? Why you wanted to be in? What were you looking for?"

"A place to rest, a place to belong, I guess," he answered plainly, there was nothing he could hid from him, he knew it pretty well.

"Have you learned your lesson? There's no place for you, no one for you" his companion moved behind him from one ear to the other, almost whispering the words that he had told himself already. The mist began to appear slowly, engulfing the houses little by little. "You don't heal, you can't help, neither give advice. You're empty and everything that comes near to you dies. You're made to be alone."

The words used to hurt him, even before his companion came to him, he knew that was the truth although he tried his best to overlook it, to think he could change. For fourteen years his only wish was to have someone who could understand him, like what he liked, want him as close as he could be, hear him when he decided to talk. Just someone to save him from his own mist and darkness, someone that couldn't be scare of his true self and all his flaws.

But the problem wasn't that there're no one willing, as his companion said before, he had an useless mouth, a closed heart and a protective wall casted in every weakness. He wasn't mean to be with anyone but himself, just his companion that was nothing more than his most hurtful thoughts and truths, the voice that always told him what he refused to see.

"Until my last breath I'll be alone. I know."

sábado, 29 de junio de 2019

Don't ever let the darkness win

In a world full of millions of chances
I got the one to meet you
Broken, wasted, ruined
May had been in the end
But nothing will win over
The happiness and peace I chose.

I don't want to think anymore
About to forget, forgive or saying sorry
'Cause all I know is I'm thankful
For all it meant, for what it was
My only regret is
That I didn't do nothing
For it to never end.

The pain will last
But so the calm it brought,
So the memories worth.
Once again it's time to move on
Though I prayed I shouldn't need to
Though I still believe I won't have to.

Maybe it's just me
The one clinging to what's dead,
To the empty home.
Let me be the only one crying
So my soul won't be heavier.

jueves, 13 de junio de 2019

Breathe


I’m not a seeker of light. 
Nor a darkness obsessed. 
Even if I can stand up by myself
Sometimes I just let myself crumble. 

I feel restless 
Alone and tired 
Not being able to found the will to keep going
In her determined and strong eyes 
So why am I still looking?

Better to keep lying 
And running away from the light and the darkness
Until I can finally rest. 

domingo, 26 de mayo de 2019

Blackness


The cat was meowing to the wind, its tail swaying slowly as the leafs in the trees did, the bird was already sleeping inside the box they called home or refuge. It was the usual, the bird going to rest first because its energy was lower than the cat's.

Thinking it was a melody what the cat was singing to the air, it continued while ignoring the blackness attached to its bones. It was always there, persistently clinging to it, no matter how much it tried to break or chewed it off, the black was there.

It had tried distracting itself with its talks whereas be with the wind, the bird or no one. It tried to embrace and play with it. But nothing was enough.

The cat was tired, even if the night had just began. Seeing the bird lost in the darkness, after in the morning it was flying nonstop, looking well, not it had fallen for it. Why not fall too?

Curling inside the box, the cat surrounded the bird, and at the same time, the darkness clutched in all its bones. It felt like a blanket falling over the cat, however, instead of give it warm, it gave it cold. Nothing could be done, not that day at least. So the cat slept through the night, through the darkness, hoping it was over soon.

viernes, 24 de mayo de 2019

Lone Protector


It was nothing more than a casual night, his family was by his side, all of them going back to their home after a quick reunion in a coffee shop. The weather was on point after a too hot day, so the iced coffees his brother and aunt drank were more than enough, while his mother’s expresso and his hot chocolate were nothing more than delicious.

Still chatting about funny things that happened in their jobs, the four walked to their houses without nothing more to worry than the next day. Such a calm night, none of them ever imagined that all of it could be changed in one second.

They lived in an island. It was big enough to have three mayor cities: one in the north, the biggest with almost seven hundred thousand of habitants; at the southeast was the second larger city with something more than five hundred thousand of people; and the last in the southwest, where this family lived, was for three hundred thousand.

It was meant to be a pacific island, far from all the problems the rest of the world had because, since more than two hundred years ago, they closed their borders for the rest, only allowing a small commercial exchange with a few closer countries, just as they accorded to maintain their independency.

Why they were closed to the world? Because they weren’t as the rest of the humans, but no outsider knew it.

The world was plagued by people presenting what in the past were called superhuman abilities, those that the comic books, movies and books used to treat like something unusual and dreamy. Suddenly, without nothing more to explain it than the nuclear and toxic reactions or pollution making a miracle in which humans evolved instead than being killed by their mistakes, even before they killed their planet first.

While the people in the world was changing in accordance of the new happenings, in that solitary island no superhuman was born. Because their environment was cleaner, their energy sources more natural or their chemist control better, they remained unchanged, prohibiting to let that people outside their territory to enter, not for discrimination but for protection.

Where there are new abilities, there are new kind of problems; and while the rest of the world had their superhumans to protect them, they had no one; thus isolation was the only choice. Keeping the evolved DNA far from them, no tourists, not exchanged students or workers were allowed, no researchers, no politicians, no famous people, no one.

Even so, a few years later since then, four children were born the same day with superhuman abilities. They were gathered, treated with utmost respect and educated after the decision of keeping them inside was made, in hopes to have them as protection and to know if their offspring were to be superhuman as well.

However that wasn’t the case. From the eleven children they had, none showed special abilities. As weird and unexplainable as it was, the islanders were not disappointed, nor afraid of losing their protectors because forty-one years later, new ones were born.

Without a constant number of years between births, nor a constant quantity of these kind of births and neither a way to know who would be the next one; they kept the island’s secret. Everybody feeling safe and sound, knowing that all the attempts of rouge pirates were easily stopped by their saviors, their protectors.

Like that, all of them hoped to maintain in peace their home until the superhumans stopped being born. The last one of them died thirty years ago, there wasn’t a new one or ones.

All the people in the island knew that being born with the power to protect was a gift and an honor, every child was risen surrounded by wealth and love, their families with them and an almost normal life in which they studied whatever they wanted to be in the future, alongside their protector job. The idea of a family hiding a new protector was impossible, although they kept the last generations of children in constant observation.

That’s why no one understood what happened to lose their saviors. Even if the peace in the border was maintained, the fear for an attack without no one to defend them, was in all their hearts.

Just as how that night happened.

When this family went back to their house, the first thing they heard on the radio was the breaking news about the sight of five pirate ships from the southeast. The contingency plan was known by everyone, even if the main point in it was the Protectors, so this time the authorities just needed to do some adjustments, like they called them.

Although all the reassuring from the government, the fear was taking hold, little by little, of all the islanders. Will their weapons be enough to stop the pirates of reaching the shore? How strong and powerful could be the pirates? What if they can’t win without a Protector?

He was in his room, trying to get a bit of rest after the hectic last hour in which his family was watching the news; when suddenly all his surroundings changed. The controlled environment inside his bedroom was abruptly transformed in the humid warm of the sea, the music that was playing in his phone became the sound of the ocean and its waves, the roof was no more, just the sky full of stars in a moonless night.

He wasn’t laying on the bed, he was in the deck of a ship. Everything was dark, he was behind some plastic boxes. He wasn’t sure if the sway of the ship or the fear was making him dizzy. His heart was pounding like crazy, his eyes going from thing to thing while his ears were focused in all the sounds, almost happy that the voices weren’t close enough to understand.

When his legs had the strength enough to support him, he stood up and saw beyond the deck. His island was in front, all the tiny lights shimmering in calm, like if the inhabitants were as relaxed as it looked. That sight almost made him puke out of fear.

Why he was there? How did he came? Could it be that something threw him there?

“Our powers are yours now, use them to protect our home.” Even if he knew the voice was inside his head, he turned around and searched for the owner, not knowing if it was a woman or a man.

“Th-this can’t be…” He took a step back and stumbled with the ropes in the ground, his numbness was so big that not even the edge of the deck was enough to stop him. He fell backwards to the sea, but he didn’t reach the water.

With all his thoughts in shambles, he noticed too late how he was floating in the air, a few centimeters above the sea. All his body froze, he couldn’t understand how he was doing it, neither if he could control it, he was just too scared.

“Calm down, please, we won’t be able to help you too much, you need to learn quickly.” The voice was still in his head, though he couldn’t determined the gender of the speaker, he knew they were concerned. “Everything come from the strength of your wishes and your mind, the power will do what you want if you truly want it.”

If he was in a videogame, this surely was the tutorial, and although he used to get bored by those, now he was more than willing to listen carefully and practice. However there was a more intense feeling than the desire of listening to what the voice offered him, he wanted to be at home, woke up from this weird dream and keep his normal activities. “Stop that, this is real.”

He lost balance, his face went down in the cold and salty water, all the doubts about the reality were cleared rudely by his teachers. He was sure of that. “Yes, we did it so you can focus”

“Now, go up if you don’t want all your clothes soaked.”

Without speaking but his mind full of complaints and fears, he tried until the power answered to him, allowing him to rise a few meters. “Did you study or know a bit of the powers we, the past Protectors, had?”

“A bit… I guess…” he finally found his inner voice, if that’s how it was called.

“Then you’re ready, end with this troublemakers.”

“What…?”

His body moved once again by itself, throwing him at the window of the control room. The glass did nothing to his skin, the impact left the sailor in control astounded for a seconds and, before he could reach for the emergency signal, a ball of fire was thrown from his hand to the back of the man. The fire quickly surrounded the man’s body until a black one was left.

The smell was about to make him throw up, but again he was stopped when a few men entered the cabin. The fight just then, began.



When he appeared back in his room, he was beyond exhausted; even if his clothes were drenched with blood and sweat, covered in stink of smoke and dust, his mind full of the gore, screams and the thoughts about his family being safe, he fell asleep.

Feeling like his eyes has just were shut down, he was woken up by the noisy knocks in the house door. Until then, the last words of the self-proclaimed “past protectors” made sense in his head: “You’ll be called by the government, they’ll sent you to train, they’ll know why until now you were found, so go with them.”

He couldn’t be scared anymore, they convinced him about the great honor and gift he was granted: the power to protect his family and loved ones, the pride of being the strongest among all with the almost unlimited powers he would have. He, being the only one.



He was sent to the Protector’s House, he was presented to all the islanders through the TV with a short press conference gave by the government; later he was trained by the last two people who were close to the last protectors.

In four months he was ready and used to his new lifestyle. All the people was beyond thankful for his last moment appearance, all loved how calm and collected he always looked, he was all the reassurance they needed to feel safe.

The attacks he stopped after the first one, he was quick and fierce, no doubts or weaknesses shown. He always smiled to them, whereas tired or hurt, he received their thanks and cheers in his way back to the house.

It looked perfect once again for the people. But not for the Protector.

After seven months since his beginning, a new attack was in sight. This time were twelve ships, all armed with the strongest weapons for what they could see. Whether they knew something about the Protector or out of sheer precaution, the people inside the first ships were no common people.

The fight to stop them was the most ruthless he ever had, he managed to destroy two of the ships before having to go back to the island because he was severely injured and needed a moment to rest and recover. The military kept the attack in the rest of the ships, completely worried if the alarm about their Protector could be passed.

He was healing himself in the middle of the planning room, in silence he fixed his bones and closed his injuries while they discussed all the possibilities. It was not lost, hope was still over him, as how he was telling them.

Suddenly the alarm went off, the ships were splitting, one of them retreating. Ignoring the newly served food, he went out to the cliff were the watchtower was. He ran till the edge of the cliff, knowing he needed to stop the fleeing ship before his secret was exposed, however he stopped abruptly at the edge when he was about to jump.

His heart was beating painfully inside his chest, his lungs were unable to gather enough air. He just couldn’t jump, fly. All the outside noises were lost, the only things in his head was: I’m scared, what if I can’t do it? I’m tired, I’m weak.

Instead of jumping in the sea’s direction, he ran into the Protector House. With a speed faster than the human eye, he hid himself in the house's basement. All his body trembling, his face full of cold sweat, his insides rumbling and clenching, aching with all his muscles and joints.

Among the million and a half people of the island, he found himself alone. Finally the quiet voice in the back of his mind surfaced loud and clear, telling him that all the hopes from his people were a heavy burden for a single person, a single young boy with nothing more that twenty three years old.

“I never wanted this, I hate it… I just wanted to be normal, to be one more person and nothing more. I had to kill my fears and emotions, to be all smiles and calm so they could sleep well while I was trapped between stress and bottled up feelings… I can’t do it anymore…”

“Rise up again, Protector.” The voices he stopped hearing since the first time, were back. This time he didn’t feel like answering. “We’ve been with you all this time, you’re not alone.”

“What’s the use of voices that didn’t answer before? Voices of death people that can’t physically help me?”

“The new Protectors are soon to be born, we need you to endure a bit more, to train them” the voice was trying to pass its calm to him, although he had since long stopped the tremors and panic attack.

After more than ten minutes in silence, he said “the moment they’re ready, I’m out of all of this…”

“Your wish will be granted, with all its meaning.”



That was forever remembered as the most bloody and fierce battle of the Miracle Protector. A battle that ended with him in a deep slumber that lasted for two weeks, time that united the islanders in one prayer for their savior to rest and full recover.

Along with the news of the Protector waking up, were the news of the four next protectors’ births. It became a moment of joy, all the happiness returned to them; even if the smile of the Miracle Protector changed, which only the closest to him noticed, although no one of them knew the reason.

The years went by, the four children grew up under the Miracle Protector tutelage. Every one of the four had their own power, different between them but perfectly matched to help each other. As they grew up, the help provided to their mentor was more and more until they were able to take care of everything by themselves.

Eighteen years passed since The Battle, since the protector won his Miracle Protector title, when he disappeared. As sudden as he started his miracle, he ended it. All the islanders, his family and loved ones were surprised, saddened and confused. Not a note, a sight, a word was left, he was just gone.

His powers came from nowhere when they were more needed, his presence keep at ease the people and his smile forever engraved in their memories. He alone carried a heavy burden without complaints, he made miracles by himself and raised the next generation with love and courage, with pride and bravery.

“But the light in his eyes was lost since he woke up from the two weeks slumber” kept saying his family. “The price for being the strongest, the miracle maker and the light for all of us was more than we ever saw, so now let him go, pray for his soul find the eternal rest, show him he was never alone.”

martes, 5 de febrero de 2019

Belleza

Caminando tenía su atención en la pantalla de su celular mientras respondía un mensaje, justamente cuando terminó de teclear, alzó la mirada para encontrarse, a varios pasos delante de ella, un niño que en su espalda llevaba una mochila con una forma que reconocía bien.

Se trataba de una especie de peluche de un gato azul y gordo, o al menos de apariencia cilíndrica, con la parte pegada al cuerpo del niño, lo que sería el abdomen del gato, de color crema. La imagen le trajo múltiples ideas a la chica en lo que volvía a ver hacia su celular para enviar un mensaje a la única de sus amigas que también sabía de dónde provenía dicho peluche.

No era la primera vez que veía esa mochila, sabía bien en qué tienda la vendían así que tomó rumbo hacia el lugar en lo que esperaba la respuesta emocionada de su amiga, ella estaba más enamorada de la forma del animal. Ahora sabía lo que le regalaría en su cumpleaños, aunque este todavía se encontrara a muchos meses de distancia.

Llena de confianza y aún recibiendo las emotivas respuestas de su amiga, caminó a los pasillos de juguetería de la gran tienda departamental en la que se encontraba. Ese tipo de mochilas-peluche se encontraban una estantería al final de otros artículos de videojuegos, con las manos en lazadas detrás de su espalda, caminó con tranquilidad viendo superficialmente los demás artículos hasta llegar a la zona que buscaba.

Para su decepción, ese que quería ya no se encontraba. Soltando un suspiro, rehizo sus pasos hasta la entrada de la tienda. Encontrando la primera banca vacía, se sentó con otro suspiro, aunque sabía que frecuentaría la tienda tanto como pudiera hasta encontrarlo de nuevo. Siempre resurtían.

Estaba por sacar de nuevo su celular, cuando un hombre se le acercó. No debía estar en sus cuarenta años, no tenía nada de apuesto, mas su carisma permitió a la chica sonreirle con amabilidad y responder su saludo.

Sin muchos problemas le ofreció un cambio de imagen, personalizado enteramente para que las mejores de sus facciones se acentuaran y luciera más bella que ahora, como le había dicho. Tenía muchos años en que su inseguridad de adolescente había menguado, mas no desaparecido; ella sola había aprendido cuáles artículos de maquillaje le eran más útiles o cuáles quería usar. Y aunque no estaba del todo satisfecha con su apariencia, ya no la odiaba como antes.

Decidió seguir al hombre. Su puesto estaba en las isletas centrales de la plaza, no muy grande, un espacio suficiente para que cuatro personas se movieran sin problemas para cortar el cabello, hacer faciales y maquillar. 

El nuevo corte era algo que nunca se hubiera atrevido a intentar, sin embargo su cabello ondulado se veía fascinante. con los costados cortos casi al ras, el fleco peinado hacia atrás y el resto cayendo con gracia sobre su espalda, le dio una seguridad cálida, aun antes de los pasos que aún faltaban.

Al final todo el proceso tardó dos horas. Le entregaron un papel con un número de local e invitación al nuevo sitio al que debía acudir pues querían que todos los participantes de ese tipo de experimento, acudieran a ese lugar a tomarse una foto, después de que ellos mismos hubieran hecho la del antes y después.

Emocionada por su nueva apariencia, y aguantándose las ganas de sacarse fotos, más que nada por temor a que estas la decepcionaran, algo que siempre sucedía; se dirigió al lugar marcado. 

El local tenía algunas ventanas y una apariencia más de salón que de alguna otra cosa. Había alrededor de veinte o treinta sillas dispuestas a lo largo de las paredes, en las cuales ya se encontraban algunos chicos y chicas en su rango de edad. Con toda su timidez encima, caminó hacia una zona despejada y tomó asiento.

Antes de entrar le había pedido dejar sus cosas en una canasta asegurada con un candado cuya llave recibió ella para que no sintiera peligro por sus pertenencias, lo hacían para que al comenzar todo el evento no hubiera distracciones o algún tipo de filtración. Como era obvio, se había sentido un tanto desconfiada de tanta seguridad y movimiento, sin embargo todo pasó a segundo plano cuando comenzó a ver mejor hacia las demás personas del lugar.

Unos cuantos ya estaban hablando entre ellos, o tal vez habían acudido juntos. Las mujeres llevaban peinados modernos y laborados, maquillajes casi naturales para unas cuantas y otros un poco más marcados, aunque sin hacerlos ver como excesivos. Los hombres también mostraban cortes y peinados que ella nunca había visto, muy poco se les notaba si tenían una pizca de maquillaje encima, lo que hablaba muy bien del trabajo que habían hecho con ellos.

No había una estatura o complexión específica entre ellos. Podía ver chicas tan altas aún en tacones altos, como chicas más bajas que ella, quien siempre se consideró tan corta de estatura, como chicos de estaturas cercanas a la de ella. Flacos, regulares y algunos un poco más rollizos, todos luciendo estéticamente agradables, aunque a algunos les fallaban los conjuntos que vestían, lo que la hacía creer que podrían ayudarlos con eso después.

Distraídamente se giró a una de las ventanas del lugar, esperaba ver la ciudad alrededor aún en tonos de medio día, sin embargo esta ya estaba cubierta en la oscuridad de la noche. Sintió su corazón agitarse, no había notado el tiempo pasar tan rápido, dentro de una plaza tan artificialmente iluminada era imposible darse cuenta. únicamente el recuerdo de que sus padres no estaban en la casa y que nadie más se preocuparía por su ausencia tan larga, le permitió volver a relajarse.

A su lado se sentó una chica un poco más alta que ella, de apariencia delgada aunque no en demasía, cabello castaño claro, piel clara y ojos color miel. Todo en ella parecía ser tierno, incluso su cabello perfectamente ondulado que enmarcaba su rostro. Le sonrió a forma de saludo, la vio examinar los alrededores como ella misma lo había hecho al entrar. Sintió que quería hablar con ella, le agradaba, mas su propia inseguridad la reprimió sin saber qué palabras eran necesarias para ese tipo de conversaciones.

Luego de que las veinticinco sillas del lugar se llenaran de jóvenes, la puerta se abrió una vez más para dejar pasar a los organizadores, entre ellos el hombre que la había convencido.

-Nuevamente, bienvenidos -saludó uno de los hombres que dio un paso al frente para ver a todos-. Estamos agradecidos por el apoyo que nos han brindado para este corto experimento comercial en el que hemos encontrado chicos y chicas con una belleza natural y lista.

Al decirlo fue señalando a algunos, esas personas sonrieron con orgullo o timidez, aunque las palabras del hombre no eran erradas. La chica a su lado entró en dicha categoría, evidentemente.

-Algunos otros que requerían colo necesitaban pulirse un poco. -Algunos de los siguientes en ser señalados se ruborizaron, otros rieron suavemente; por su lado, ella se sintió un tanto decepcionada por no haber entrado en ese rango, haciéndola preguntarse si el siguiente rango sería el peor. De pronto toda su seguridad la sintió caer al suelo y quebrarse.

-Y los últimos, joyas en proceso de trabajo, en proceso de mostrar sus mejores rostros.

Finalmente fue señalada junto a cuatro chicos más, los cinco casi parecieron encogerse en sus asientos, aunque las sonrisas en sus rostros no pudieron ser reprimidas.

-Esto no termina aún, vamos a dar los últimos retoques y prepararlos para el verdadero objetivo de este experimento.

La mayoría de los adultos comenzaron a salir mientras el vocero les sonreía a los chicos que casi empezaron a murmurar entusiasmados entre ellos. Ella se giró de nuevo a la ventana, su corazón se oprimió dentro de ella cuando en el reflejo vio a la chica a su lado bajar la vista con una mirada tan cargada de sorpresa que la hizo girar a verla. 

La sorpresa se convirtió en temor unos segundos antes de que la delicada y hermosa chica la viera con sus grande ojos brillantes y comenzando a enrojecerse, sus manos juntas ejerciendo una fuerza que las hacía tornarse mucho más blancas. Entonces ella misma lo entendió cuando la puerta se cerró de nuevo con los veinticinco dentro. La próxima vez que salieran de ese lugar no serían buenas noticias y que, sin dudarlo, nunca volverían a ir a sus casas.

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¿Tienen una idea de lo horrible que es despertarse con ese miedo? ¿con esa certitud de que todo ese experimento no fue de buena fe? Ugh, no sé por qué mi mente me tortura con ese tipo de miedos, con ese tipo de sueños, pero bueno, tenía que escribirlo.

Odio soñar

De verdad lo odio. Exceptuando las casi nulas veces en que los sueños me dan material eficiente para escribir; las ocasiones en las que soy capaz de recordar lo que soñé al despertar, siempre me dan color de cabeza y una pesadez que me hace mucho más difícil levantarme.

No son pesadillas, no recuerdo cuándo fue la última vez que tuve una, sólo son sueños que cuando me despierto me dejan en una molesta confusión de no saber con certeza si ya estoy fuera de ellos o no. Es algo que no puedo describir muy bien, no sé si realmente son muy vívidos o mi mente se los creé como tal o lo que sea, no me gusta despertar después, es casi hasta doloroso y agotador.

Y siempre han sido variados, con gente que obviamente no recuerdo haber visto antes, sucesos que no tienen sentido que ocurran, lugares mezclados entre reales e inventados. Creo que mi molestia por los sueños es por la falta de lógica, esa lógica que siempre aclamo y me aferro a ella como si fuera lo único que me mantiene viva o cuerda. Sin lógica o realismo en los sueños ¿a qué me puedo afianzar?

Pero bueno, eso sólo fue un extra pues después del sueño de hoy decidí que voy a escribirlos. Muchos serán bizarros, llegarán a preguntarse que tan sociópata soy pues, déjenme advertirles, suelen tener temas algo delicados. Por ejemplo el que dejaré en la siguiente entrada, el sueño de hoy y que me llevó a esto, aunque ha sido uno de los más tranquilos.

Aunque no todos lo son, por ello deseo usar esos estúpidos sueños y el malestar que causan en mí para usarlos de excusa y escribir, pues siento que no lo he hecho en mucho tiempo, haciéndome perder la poca habilidad que creía tener. Si eso llegara a pasar, si ya no pudiera escribir nunca más, entonces sí sería peor que perder la lógica en mis sueños.



Un pedazo del sueño que tres días antes, para que no asusten.

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Las calles estaban llenas de gente, si no estuviera segura de la fecha del día, habría pensado que se encontraba a mitad de diciembre, con la euforia de la gente al realizar sus compras para el tan esperado veinticinco.

La avenida era ancha, rodeada por doquier por gigantes plazas comerciales, por restaurantes y unos pocos edificios de negocios. Los coches avanzaban por el camino a velocidades que demostraban la falta de los semáforos, o al menos eso parecía, haciendo que se preguntara cómo era posible ir de una acera a la otra si la tienda que buscabas no estaba en la que caminaba.

Fuera de eso, se mantuvo mirando los aparadores, la gente con sus bolsas, tratando de ignorar el bullicio típico de ese tipo de lugares. Le dolían los pies, sentía la garganta seca, la espalda agotada y un dolor punzante dentro de su cabeza, aunque este aún era lo suficientemente ligero como permitir que el mal humor no atacara a su familia.

Cuando creyó que el hartazgo sacaría lo peor de sí, su hermana señaló un restaurante de apariencia muy refinada. El color principal era el café, tonos variantes de este iluminaban las decoraciones, los uniformes del personal e incluso algunos de los platillos que veían ya servidos en los comensales. No era la cafetería de la esquina, no una fonda o algo similar, sino un lugar exclusivo donde los precios de todo seguramente alcanzarían los tres dígitos. 

A pesar de ello, los cuatro se acercaron al recibidor en espera de su mesa. ¿Por qué? Porque tenían hambre de un postre, obviamente.

Con una sonrisa amable, el jefe de piso los guió hacia su mesa, un gabinete circular que bien podría acoger ocho personas, no a ellos cuatro. Sin embargo no se quejaron, en silencio se distribuyeron en solo lado del espacioso lugar.

¿Había carta? ¿Cuándo tomaron la orden? ¿Qué pidió? Sin la respuesta a esas incógnitas, esperó por la llegada de su postre mientras hablaba de algo con su hermana. Al tratar de descifrar lo que le estaba comentado, al lugar llegó el mesero con lo que parecía un pastel de tres chocolates.

Se veía delicioso, no sabía si lo había pedido o si le gustaría, únicamente estaba el hecho de que lo quería probar. No obstante, el mesero detuvo la entrega a unos centímetros de sí mismo.

-Una disculpa, parece que erré la orden ¿no es cierto?

-Sí, nosotros no pedimos eso -respondió su madre amablemente, lo que llevó al trabajador a retraer por completo el postre, sacar una bolsa de plástico de su bolsillo y vaciarlo adentro como un desperdicio. Con una disculpa, se dio la vuelta para traer lo que sí habían pedido.

-Qué desperdicio -dijeron los cuatro casi al unísono, sintiendo una indignación y confusión clara.

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Y sí, ahí terminó mi sueño y yo desperté como ¿Qué demonios?.