La muerte no juzga

La muerte está en todos lados, todo el tiempo. Para muchos es una palabra, un estado, para otros es una deidad, unos más la encuentran inefable e innegable, y unos pocos fascinante o añorada. Sin embargo, la muerte no discrimina, no decide, no salva.

En sus ropas, sus dedos, sus lámparas, o lo que fuera que la gente la imaginaba, se lleva las almas de cada ser vivo que puebla la Tierra. De las hormigas que los humanos pisaron sin notar, de los árboles que talaron para las nuevas construcciones, del perro que mataron a golpes, del gato que murió en los brazos de quien lo cuidaba, del ratón envenenado, del insecto que se estrelló en el parabrisas, de la presa del cazador, de la planta hidratada en exceso, de la elefante alimentada con fuego, de las plantas cultivadas, de los animales hechos alimento.

Sin juzgar, se lleva el alma del desafortunado asesinado por el policía ciego de poder, de la mujer que sin culpa fue asesinada por aquel que creía ser dominante, del niño que siguió al hombre por un juguete o un dulce ofrecido, de la niña que su acto de bondad e inocencia fue visto como un crimen que le costó la vida. Del hombre del que su oprimida esposa tuvo que defenderse, de la mujer que engañaba jóvenes con promesas y dinero, del ladrón que despojó a alguien de todo lo que tenía para vivir, de la que envenenó a otros para obtener lo que quería.

Sin culpa, ni gracia, ni decisión propia se lleva el alma de la joven artista que con sus estrellas iluminó a muchos, mas no pudo vencer al cáncer; del hombre amado y trabajador cuya vida se fue apagando como una veladora; de los jóvenes que no logran entender lo que pasa con ellos, los que no logran encontrar esperanza en el mañana y por su propia mano le entregan su alma. De aquellos que sin culpa o con razón se expusieron a la enfermedad que está matando a muchos; de aquellos que dejan familias devastadas e incompletas, de aquellos que se van sin desearlo y sin miedo.

La muerte se lleva las almas de los que suplican no ver un día más, de los que lloran por tener una noche más, de los que tienen miedo, de los que no lo tienen, de los pobres, de los ricos, de los que están solos y de los que no, de los más corruptos y de los más puros, de los que no sabían que tenían alma, de los que querían salvarla. De los que creen en un Dios, de los que creen en miles, de los que no creen en ninguno. De los que estudian, de los que no saben nada, de los que piensan y de los que se niegan a hacerlo. De los que creen en ella y de los que no. 

La muerte es justa, la muerte es segura, la muerte no descansa.

16. Relentless

After a bit more of chatting, people started to go back their homes, which made the protector feel grateful because he wanted to go since they started talking about The Protector. He promised to come back, although he wasn’t sure when would that be. 

Still being around three in the morning, he didn’t use his supernatural speed to go home, he walked as a normal human. Almost normal because all the clothes that hid his identity. Almost normal because he wasn’t scared of thieves anymore, none of them would be able to touch him even if they had a gun. Almost normal because he could go out from his home so late or so early without anyone to notice, not even the security system that kept The House safe from intruders. 

Almost normal because he was a twenty-three-year-old boy worried about his future and how long it would be. 

He liked the peacefulness which came that early in the morning. Less cars and people in the street, less noise and less movement. The noisier elements were the dogs from here and there, barking from distant houses, and the sporadic vehicles that traveled in speeds higher than permitted. It was similar to the quietness that surrounded him up in the mountain every time he left his body fell to the ground from exhaustion.

When he wasn’t paying attention, his mind wandered off about the group’s reunion. He was past the analysis of the members, even of their purpose or topics to talk. Now he was thinking about his own goals with them.

Long ago, a month after discovering his new role, he said goodbye to his friends, figuratively. For how his family was treated, he decided that it was for the best that he didn’t go out with them anymore; and when he eliminated his personal social network’s accounts and changed his cellphone number, he got out of reach for them. He did it to protect them, even if anyone could misunderstand it.

And now, he got to meet people again, who may want to become close to him, if what everybody said about his calming abilities were true. He didn’t want to get attached; he knew he couldn’t. Even so, being with them gave him peace for a little bit; it allowed him to forget who he really was. Thesaurus was about to become his alter ego, his normal version of him, until they retake the Protector’s talk or he overcome his frustrations.

Either way, he couldn’t be like a kid getting all excited about making new friends. He wasn’t feeling like if out of nowhere he had found a lot of energy to became relentless in his trainings and common activities. He wasn’t feeling nothing at all, though. So, he hoped time would give him the answer to what to feel.

15. Night jar

Those kind of stories about what happened while he was in the ships, were more interesting for him than what he said or did. Although it was as much as a thorn in his heart when he thought about what he could be doing if he was as normal as the rest. Either way, he couldn’t make contributions about that topic.

“Hey, Thesaurus.” A woman, looking as if she was around his own age, and who was seated to the opposite side of the Awkward Boy, got close to him while someone was still talking about some of their neighbor’s behavior. “Talking about the Protector it’s common in this group chats, and all of us had given their own opinions about him, so what’s yours?” In the middle of her question, the rest stopped talking, waiting for his answer.

“It’s that so? … um…” Now he wished he really did choke with his soda when the topic was selected by Pious. He could tell that people there was proud or fond to The Protector, although he couldn’t be so sure about everyone. “Well… he’s too powerful, I think that’s a bit scary?”

“You see?” a man spoke up before anyone else, Teshal remembered his nickname was Nightjar, another weird name. “I’m not the only one. Are you afraid of him or his power? I mean, I think we can trust him but isn’t him too much?”

“He does look trustworthy…” when all the glares changed from Nightjar to him, he knew he needed to answer. “I don’t think I’m afraid of him, just about his power… Negativity towards him maybe could lead him to do something bad?”

“No!” Pious and the girl, whose nickname was like a true name: Shonda, almost shouted. “He’s doing everything for us, he’s a good guy, I can tell… besides, going to the bad side will mean that we mistreat him, but didn’t we put him on a pedestal? Is that negative?”

“Of course it’s not!” Awkward Boy joined them, it didn’t look like a fight, but still Teshal couldn’t stop feeling he shouldn’t had said that as his first opinion about himself. “He looks kind and determined, like he really cares about our homeland and us.”

“I think only frustration and the overwhelming pressure of having so many lives over his shoulders could be the negativity, not rejection.” The one who spoke was one of the oldest persons in the group, she was maybe fifty or something, but looked collected and wise. “It’s a heavy burden for a boy, too young.”

“But people still shower him with love and admiration, I saw how after his training routine, all of us that were close came to give him water or encouragement.” Once again spoke the woman close to him, having her too close after knowing that she was close to him without disguise, made him a bit scared. “Yes, I know it can’t compare thankful and encouraging words to his burden, but I think it’s useful? And he’s so famous now!”

“But what if he didn’t want nothing of that?” he almost murmured his question, still the group became quiet. “The warmth of the people may give him strength to keep going, but what about his privacy? Even if he had decided not to be so public, people would chase him or intrude in his house to know more about him, because they… we care.”

“That’s a point I wanted to show too,” Nightjar was still in his side. “All we know, for what had been said by his past classmates and workmates, he was a shy boy, never in the spotlight. So, don’t you think that all his popularity could be added to his burdens?”

Suddenly the room became quiet once more. For that, none of them had and answer without being seen as selfish.

“I’m impressed Thesaurus, there’s a few topics, that I count with my fingers, that leave us this quiet.” With that, everyone raised their cups in another toast, making all of them laugh and even clap, which left Teshal really confused.

“It’s that good or bad?” finally asked to the Awkward Boy when he got back his attention.

“Of course is good! I knew you were special!”

 

14. Pious

After a long silence between them, it was ended when the protector put a hand in the Awkward Boy’s shoulder. “Oh right! Come, everyone is waiting for you.” With that, the protector looked really amazed and didn’t move until the other boy pulled him from his arm.

In the room next to the door and next to the kitchen, there was a table with fifteen chairs that had many different styles, like if those were brought from different tables. All of the people from the group, the ones that were there before he arrived, were already in their places, leaving him the chair in the head of the table. Now Teshal was feeling nervous, as if he were about to be in one of the usual interviews.

“Today we welcome our newest member, brought in by Awkward Galaxy,” the woman that started speaking was around his thirty or more, she looked a bit young and a bit older. “We’re happy for having you here with us.”

“All of us,” another man, looking a bit older, took the floor “are here using false names, as you maybe saw through the social network, so we’re not interested in who you’re, and if you want to say why are you here, what you lost, that’s up to you, no one will force you, so feel at ease and trust us so we can trust you.”

No one else spoke after him, so the Awkward Boy hit him with his elbow because it was his time to speak. “Oh… um… I’m not good at this… sorry.” He stood up while scratching his nape, gazing at the table instead of the people waiting for his answer. He took a deep breath before facing them and speak “I’m sorry I came looking like this, because my job, I can’t show my face… yet, but rest easy, I mean no harm and I’m really thankful for you to welcome me.”

Little by little his shyness was overcome, looking more kind and calm, which easily was transferred to the rest, even though all he was using to cover up his identity. “I’ll like to know you, and you to know me… although I’m not so good at that… but thanks…”

At the end of his speech, his shyness came back, but the rest paid no heed to it, everyone raised their cups filled with soda or coffee and toasted for him, and by turns, every one of them said their nickname. Once that was over, all of them remained seated because, as the Awkward Boy explained to him, was the moment of the day when all of them reunited to talk in group about whatever they liked.

This time who started talking was a young boy, probably around fifteen or eighteen years old, whose nickname was Pious, he brought out a topic that almost made Teshal spit up his soda. “Yesterday the Protector was in my school!” He looked so happy and proud, more than a half of the group members watched him with deep interest, even the Awkward Boy lost all his attention he had over his new friend.

“What was he like?” asked a girl, around the age of Pious, whose eyes shinned with the mention of the Protector. Teshal began to feel really uncomfortable, there he was thinking he could have a talk with strangers about anything that didn’t bring back his doubts and pains of being The Protector. He was feeling between embarrassed, disappointed and afraid.

“Oh, he was so awesome,” hearing that being the first thing the boy said, made his racing heart almost skip a bit, more when the people in there was nodding, as if the protector was someone all of them saw already. “He showed us some amazing moves, and then spoke about last week encounter and how he guided the ships!”

Soon the conversations were about what they saw from their houses when they turned off the lights. Because every time they were sure that it was a calm mission as that, the islanders just needed to make the island disappear in the night.

13. Towel

After that, Awkward Boy was called by the others, so he asked for him to stay in there if he wasn’t feeling ready to go and talk with the rest. Now he was alone, with his almost gone soda and too much to think about.

He had complicated feelings for what the Awkward Boy said before about his past because, when he decided to come to this place, he didn’t want to meddle in anyone affairs and traumas, he was simply curious. He neither was looking for friends to talk because what does he could tell them? “Hi, I’m the protector but I never wanted to be one” or “yeah I got his problem where I’m scared about people being scared of me being too powerful or different”, maybe about “I feel I’m doing something wrong, that I’m not doing something I want but I don’t know which part.”

Of course he couldn’t tell them openly who he was, and he wasn’t even comfortable with all the clothes he had over him to cover his true identity. “I’ll need a wig… maybe some contact lenses too…” he mumbled, then remembering that he was not entirely alone, looking around if someone might had listened to him.

Even so, he knew he had many reasons to be with them because he, too, had gave up a dream. Maybe not so much as a dream because he used to work as a chemist in a pharmaceutical enterprise, not that it was his dream job but was what made him feel comfortable at the moment. What pained the most to him was that he used to have a normal and simple life, with his family and few friends, with whom he used to talk to them like every four months or so, before everything.

And then, all his life changed completely without a way to go back. He knew, that as long as he lived, he wouldn’t be back to that life never again. If successors were to be born, he knew he had to train them and be their mentor for the rest of his life, when his body become useless to training, he would maybe be able to live somewhere far and quiet. Only then he could maybe go out without being recognized by every pedestrian that saw him.

The worst-case scenario came when no successors were born. If that happened, he would be the protector until his body became useless, and even then he could imagine how the doctors and scientist would try to maintain his body in the best conditions, he even would force himself to keep being useful so the fear of being unprotected would never return to the islanders.

So what he had to talk with them? Nothing that wasn’t too depressing or too impossible to say. And he wasn’t particularly good in listening to other’s problems, he never knew how to give advices without feeling those were too obvious or useless. Does he should stay or come back any other time?

“Hey, look out!” the Awkward Boy’s voice took him out of his thoughts, making him realizes he was crushing the soda’s can until it started to come out from the hole. Luckily, everything fell on his hand and not the floor, still, his sleeve and hand were a bit soaked. “Come to the bathroom.”

“I’m sorry, I was distracted” he said while following him, he hated the stickiness the soda left, so he was glad there was a restroom where to clean himself, even if his sleeve would remain the same.

“Oh! Go ahead, let me look for the towel, I don’t know who took it”. The boy went back to the other rooms while the protector started to wash his hands.  If it weren’t because it was a soda’s can, he could had given away his identity if they discovered his abnormal strength. It had happened before, so he better starts to have his hands empty every time he was about to dwell in his own sorrows.

“Here,” the boy came back to give him the towel. “Are you ok? You looked really deep in thoughts, and I bet those weren’t good thoughts for the can to suffer from it.”

“Yeah, sorry” he said once more.

“No need to be.” The Awkward Boy looked like he wanted to ask more, but he didn’t dare, so just stayed there in silence.

“We all lost something; didn’t you say?” Teshal finally said, hanging up the towel. “I lost something I won’t ever get back, not a person but a future…” he wasn’t looking at him anymore, he needed to choose wisely his words, it was not a common occurrence to lost normality in your life. “And I’m trying to live with that fact. So don’t worry, you didn’t open old wounds with your reasons to be here”. At the end, the protector smiled to him, a smile a bit sad but bright.

12. Awkward

All the people in the flat said hi before going back to their chats, which left the protector really confused because no one introduced themselves, nor that he wanted to introduce himself with his nickname.

The boy guided him to one of the back rooms in the place, none of them had doors, the windows were adorned with curtains with simple colors and the furniture in every room was made up of some chairs, sofas and small tables, some with empty cans of soda or beer, some empty plates that could had been occupied by snacks, more than food.

“Sorry for all the mess, I’d like to lie to you and tell you that it’s not always like this but… we’re pretty messy,” he said while sweeping off some crumbs of one of the couches before seating in it. The protector kept quiet when he seated without trying to see if it was clean.

“So, what’s this place? Are they gonna sell me drugs or something? Or they’ll wait until I fall sleep before drinking whatever they’ll give me?” The last words were still leaving his mouth when the boy started to laugh really loud, making some of the others came to peep out from the entrance, for a moment the protector couldn’t tell if they’re worried of him doing something to the boy or if they wanted to know what made him laugh. Either way, he felt even more awkward as when he had to say his nickname.

“Ow man, I knew having you here would be so funny.” The boy cleaned the tears that came out from his eyes because his outburst. “Relax, we’re not even a secret society, sect or cult, we’re just us, some misfits that come to this place looking for a refuge of their daily lives”.

His explanation, Teshal thought, left a lot to be desired. He didn’t know how much of it was true, it sounded like a club of misfits from high school, a place for nerds and bullied people. But seeing that there were some women and men with more that thirty years, and even teenagers talking to some of them like they’re in their group age; made him thought thoroughly. Besides, he was able to see that in some rooms were old looking computers, shelves full of different books and magazines.

“Ok, from your face I can tell it’s not enough the cheesy description.” The boy thought for some seconds before restarting. “Most of the members you saw in the social network’s group are people who gave up in their dreams for them to have a normal and more easy life, or any other reason.”

“Some of them became hobbyist in what it could had been their dream job: hobbyist writers, painters, designers, singers, musicians, chefs, bartenders, teachers and a long etcetera of lost dreams. There the meaning of the group’s name.” To the room came a girl, her age around his own, apparently, who gave to them canned soda before leaving. Teshal was still thinking about the group’s description to remember if the girl said something or how she looked like.

“And who are you?” finally asked the protector.

“Are you willing to say what you lost?” the boy looked at him right in the eye, this time the protector turned away. “Relax, it’s not a rule, but if you want to people to open up, you need to loosen up a bit too.” He gave him a pat in the back before talking again. “Here I’m Awkward Galaxy. Yes, most of us have ridiculous names, yours, by the way, it’s awesome.”

“Uhm thanks… I guess…” He didn’t want to give him another reason to laugh hard if he was teasing him. Only that this time he looked really serious about his praise.

“And, you didn’t ask so I wan to tell you,” the Awkward boy, as Teshal decided it suited best, said while watching his soda. “I didn’t lose a dream but a person. My sister had cancer and it took her away three months ago, I was already in this group, though. Because I had to give up on college so I could work and help my parents to pay for my sister’s treatment.”

“Then you’d had given your life if that gave her more years to live?”

“Yeah, lately I can’t take off from my head that impossible desire. I don’t think that even the Protector can do that… I wonder if someone outside can... although its too late to be useful”. His usual easygoing smile came back, even if in his eyes remained the sorrow.

11. Thesaurus

After two weeks since he met with that weird boy, he didn’t have the chance search for the name he gave him before leaving. He even forgot all about it, once again, until the second Sunday, after waking up at noon. He was still feeling the pain from his Saturday’s training when bits of his conversation with the boy popped up inside his head. Just when he decided to not come out from the basement, neither stood up from his bed, he was completely awake trying to remember what the boy said to look for.

He remembered the “etc.” part, but not what came after that. Using the word in the searching site wasn’t really useful for all the sites talking about the meaning of it. After thirty minutes without successful results, he went upstairs to eat something and drink some water; his family was watching the TV at that moment, so he went and seated with them for some minutes until the other word came back to him.

Without losing time, he searched for it, only to find that he needed an open account from the most popular social network. He thought about using his brother’s, however because he didn’t know why he needed a profile, he decided to make a fake account. He used to have a normal account before all the change in his life, he didn’t miss it, but he recognized that sometimes it was really useful.

Ignoring the movie they were watching, he focused in the creation of his fake profile, even creating a new mail account for it. As for his name, he stopped for a bit without knowing what to use until he searched for a list of the most unused words, finding his new alias: “Thesaurus”. It almost sounded as his real name, plus it was a dictionary, and he used to be really good with synonyms back at his elementary school’s days.

With a mysterious looking cat as his profile photo, he entered the page of “etc. lost”. It had something like fifty members, you couldn’t see the address until you asked to be admitted into the group, so he did, having to wait two hours after filling their simple questionnaire:

• 1. How did you find this group? Someone gave me the name to look for it. 
• 2. Why do you want to join? Because I’m curious and because that person said I could find him there. 
• 3. What do you know about this group? Not a single thing. 
• 4. If you’re using your real name and profile, we won’t accept you. Are you sure with your current account? Yes. 

All looked as a secret sect or something, but he wasn’t feeling scared of it, after all, the boy promised that there it wasn’t needed his name or his past.

The moment his solicitude was accepted, he looked for the address and left the house, again wearing all his incognito clothes. The address was from the neighboring city, he had to use his superhuman speed to reach the place: a normal looking building without signs. The door was open, surely it was a rented place for offices or apartments, he couldn’t be sure from the outside, so he went in to the third floor where the address stated.

Once again, the door was simple and unsuspicious, he stayed there and heard from outside before deciding to knock. The only sound he was able to hear were of people speaking calmly, a bit of music and some crunchy chew. After he knocked, it appeared that all the people inside became quiet, some of them got to the door to look from the spyhole.

“Who are you?” asked a voice from inside, a woman’s voice.

“Thesaurus…” his name online sounded mysterious and good, saying it aloud was so embarrassing and stupid, however he hid this uneasiness. The voices inside discussed for some seconds until they opened and let him in.

“It’s really you, anonymous!” exclaimed the same boy that gave him the name. Now that there was a good light source, he saw how he was around his same age but a bit taller, his hair was a short, although he had a long ponytail coming from above his nape. His smile was big when he passed his arm over his shoulders to guide him inside the apartment where fifteen persons were reunited and looking at him with curiosity.

He saw that all of them were a great diversity in sizes, ages and appearances. Now he felt out of place with all his incognito style, but it was needed. He only hoped they wouldn’t be scared of him, or worried.