13. Towel

After that, Awkward Boy was called by the others, so he asked for him to stay in there if he wasn’t feeling ready to go and talk with the rest. Now he was alone, with his almost gone soda and too much to think about.

He had complicated feelings for what the Awkward Boy said before about his past because, when he decided to come to this place, he didn’t want to meddle in anyone affairs and traumas, he was simply curious. He neither was looking for friends to talk because what does he could tell them? “Hi, I’m the protector but I never wanted to be one” or “yeah I got his problem where I’m scared about people being scared of me being too powerful or different”, maybe about “I feel I’m doing something wrong, that I’m not doing something I want but I don’t know which part.”

Of course he couldn’t tell them openly who he was, and he wasn’t even comfortable with all the clothes he had over him to cover his true identity. “I’ll need a wig… maybe some contact lenses too…” he mumbled, then remembering that he was not entirely alone, looking around if someone might had listened to him.

Even so, he knew he had many reasons to be with them because he, too, had gave up a dream. Maybe not so much as a dream because he used to work as a chemist in a pharmaceutical enterprise, not that it was his dream job but was what made him feel comfortable at the moment. What pained the most to him was that he used to have a normal and simple life, with his family and few friends, with whom he used to talk to them like every four months or so, before everything.

And then, all his life changed completely without a way to go back. He knew, that as long as he lived, he wouldn’t be back to that life never again. If successors were to be born, he knew he had to train them and be their mentor for the rest of his life, when his body become useless to training, he would maybe be able to live somewhere far and quiet. Only then he could maybe go out without being recognized by every pedestrian that saw him.

The worst-case scenario came when no successors were born. If that happened, he would be the protector until his body became useless, and even then he could imagine how the doctors and scientist would try to maintain his body in the best conditions, he even would force himself to keep being useful so the fear of being unprotected would never return to the islanders.

So what he had to talk with them? Nothing that wasn’t too depressing or too impossible to say. And he wasn’t particularly good in listening to other’s problems, he never knew how to give advices without feeling those were too obvious or useless. Does he should stay or come back any other time?

“Hey, look out!” the Awkward Boy’s voice took him out of his thoughts, making him realizes he was crushing the soda’s can until it started to come out from the hole. Luckily, everything fell on his hand and not the floor, still, his sleeve and hand were a bit soaked. “Come to the bathroom.”

“I’m sorry, I was distracted” he said while following him, he hated the stickiness the soda left, so he was glad there was a restroom where to clean himself, even if his sleeve would remain the same.

“Oh! Go ahead, let me look for the towel, I don’t know who took it”. The boy went back to the other rooms while the protector started to wash his hands.  If it weren’t because it was a soda’s can, he could had given away his identity if they discovered his abnormal strength. It had happened before, so he better starts to have his hands empty every time he was about to dwell in his own sorrows.

“Here,” the boy came back to give him the towel. “Are you ok? You looked really deep in thoughts, and I bet those weren’t good thoughts for the can to suffer from it.”

“Yeah, sorry” he said once more.

“No need to be.” The Awkward Boy looked like he wanted to ask more, but he didn’t dare, so just stayed there in silence.

“We all lost something; didn’t you say?” Teshal finally said, hanging up the towel. “I lost something I won’t ever get back, not a person but a future…” he wasn’t looking at him anymore, he needed to choose wisely his words, it was not a common occurrence to lost normality in your life. “And I’m trying to live with that fact. So don’t worry, you didn’t open old wounds with your reasons to be here”. At the end, the protector smiled to him, a smile a bit sad but bright.

12. Awkward

All the people in the flat said hi before going back to their chats, which left the protector really confused because no one introduced themselves, nor that he wanted to introduce himself with his nickname.

The boy guided him to one of the back rooms in the place, none of them had doors, the windows were adorned with curtains with simple colors and the furniture in every room was made up of some chairs, sofas and small tables, some with empty cans of soda or beer, some empty plates that could had been occupied by snacks, more than food.

“Sorry for all the mess, I’d like to lie to you and tell you that it’s not always like this but… we’re pretty messy,” he said while sweeping off some crumbs of one of the couches before seating in it. The protector kept quiet when he seated without trying to see if it was clean.

“So, what’s this place? Are they gonna sell me drugs or something? Or they’ll wait until I fall sleep before drinking whatever they’ll give me?” The last words were still leaving his mouth when the boy started to laugh really loud, making some of the others came to peep out from the entrance, for a moment the protector couldn’t tell if they’re worried of him doing something to the boy or if they wanted to know what made him laugh. Either way, he felt even more awkward as when he had to say his nickname.

“Ow man, I knew having you here would be so funny.” The boy cleaned the tears that came out from his eyes because his outburst. “Relax, we’re not even a secret society, sect or cult, we’re just us, some misfits that come to this place looking for a refuge of their daily lives”.

His explanation, Teshal thought, left a lot to be desired. He didn’t know how much of it was true, it sounded like a club of misfits from high school, a place for nerds and bullied people. But seeing that there were some women and men with more that thirty years, and even teenagers talking to some of them like they’re in their group age; made him thought thoroughly. Besides, he was able to see that in some rooms were old looking computers, shelves full of different books and magazines.

“Ok, from your face I can tell it’s not enough the cheesy description.” The boy thought for some seconds before restarting. “Most of the members you saw in the social network’s group are people who gave up in their dreams for them to have a normal and more easy life, or any other reason.”

“Some of them became hobbyist in what it could had been their dream job: hobbyist writers, painters, designers, singers, musicians, chefs, bartenders, teachers and a long etcetera of lost dreams. There the meaning of the group’s name.” To the room came a girl, her age around his own, apparently, who gave to them canned soda before leaving. Teshal was still thinking about the group’s description to remember if the girl said something or how she looked like.

“And who are you?” finally asked the protector.

“Are you willing to say what you lost?” the boy looked at him right in the eye, this time the protector turned away. “Relax, it’s not a rule, but if you want to people to open up, you need to loosen up a bit too.” He gave him a pat in the back before talking again. “Here I’m Awkward Galaxy. Yes, most of us have ridiculous names, yours, by the way, it’s awesome.”

“Uhm thanks… I guess…” He didn’t want to give him another reason to laugh hard if he was teasing him. Only that this time he looked really serious about his praise.

“And, you didn’t ask so I wan to tell you,” the Awkward boy, as Teshal decided it suited best, said while watching his soda. “I didn’t lose a dream but a person. My sister had cancer and it took her away three months ago, I was already in this group, though. Because I had to give up on college so I could work and help my parents to pay for my sister’s treatment.”

“Then you’d had given your life if that gave her more years to live?”

“Yeah, lately I can’t take off from my head that impossible desire. I don’t think that even the Protector can do that… I wonder if someone outside can... although its too late to be useful”. His usual easygoing smile came back, even if in his eyes remained the sorrow.

11. Thesaurus

After two weeks since he met with that weird boy, he didn’t have the chance search for the name he gave him before leaving. He even forgot all about it, once again, until the second Sunday, after waking up at noon. He was still feeling the pain from his Saturday’s training when bits of his conversation with the boy popped up inside his head. Just when he decided to not come out from the basement, neither stood up from his bed, he was completely awake trying to remember what the boy said to look for.

He remembered the “etc.” part, but not what came after that. Using the word in the searching site wasn’t really useful for all the sites talking about the meaning of it. After thirty minutes without successful results, he went upstairs to eat something and drink some water; his family was watching the TV at that moment, so he went and seated with them for some minutes until the other word came back to him.

Without losing time, he searched for it, only to find that he needed an open account from the most popular social network. He thought about using his brother’s, however because he didn’t know why he needed a profile, he decided to make a fake account. He used to have a normal account before all the change in his life, he didn’t miss it, but he recognized that sometimes it was really useful.

Ignoring the movie they were watching, he focused in the creation of his fake profile, even creating a new mail account for it. As for his name, he stopped for a bit without knowing what to use until he searched for a list of the most unused words, finding his new alias: “Thesaurus”. It almost sounded as his real name, plus it was a dictionary, and he used to be really good with synonyms back at his elementary school’s days.

With a mysterious looking cat as his profile photo, he entered the page of “etc. lost”. It had something like fifty members, you couldn’t see the address until you asked to be admitted into the group, so he did, having to wait two hours after filling their simple questionnaire:

• 1. How did you find this group? Someone gave me the name to look for it. 
• 2. Why do you want to join? Because I’m curious and because that person said I could find him there. 
• 3. What do you know about this group? Not a single thing. 
• 4. If you’re using your real name and profile, we won’t accept you. Are you sure with your current account? Yes. 

All looked as a secret sect or something, but he wasn’t feeling scared of it, after all, the boy promised that there it wasn’t needed his name or his past.

The moment his solicitude was accepted, he looked for the address and left the house, again wearing all his incognito clothes. The address was from the neighboring city, he had to use his superhuman speed to reach the place: a normal looking building without signs. The door was open, surely it was a rented place for offices or apartments, he couldn’t be sure from the outside, so he went in to the third floor where the address stated.

Once again, the door was simple and unsuspicious, he stayed there and heard from outside before deciding to knock. The only sound he was able to hear were of people speaking calmly, a bit of music and some crunchy chew. After he knocked, it appeared that all the people inside became quiet, some of them got to the door to look from the spyhole.

“Who are you?” asked a voice from inside, a woman’s voice.

“Thesaurus…” his name online sounded mysterious and good, saying it aloud was so embarrassing and stupid, however he hid this uneasiness. The voices inside discussed for some seconds until they opened and let him in.

“It’s really you, anonymous!” exclaimed the same boy that gave him the name. Now that there was a good light source, he saw how he was around his same age but a bit taller, his hair was a short, although he had a long ponytail coming from above his nape. His smile was big when he passed his arm over his shoulders to guide him inside the apartment where fifteen persons were reunited and looking at him with curiosity.

He saw that all of them were a great diversity in sizes, ages and appearances. Now he felt out of place with all his incognito style, but it was needed. He only hoped they wouldn’t be scared of him, or worried.

10. No

Through all the week, he ended too tired to try anything. After his interviews and trainings, either he came back to his home directly to his bed or to be for some hours with his family. After the second day of the week, he forgot completely about his Sunday’s encounter and the name he told him to look for.

At the beginning he was really motivated and feeling proud of his accomplishments. He won in his training matches, he kept smiling and answering as the kindest person in all the island, even he thought his sense of humor was improving.

He almost felt like a new man, someone more optimistic and ready for anything. Which, of course, gave a lot of more hopes and happiness to the people that was always listening to him. Even their family was amazed by how sincere his smiles were lately. Not that they thought of him like a liar, only that they believed he put too much effort in his personality after knowing the grumpy and shy Teshal they saw growing up.

However, all that energy and optimism lasted five days more. As if he was running out of battery, his brightness began to minimize. His smile was still there, his winning stake was intact, his answers as animated as ever. Just when he got to hide himself was when he felt as if all his energy was drained away.

It was a pretty normal occurrence around his third month as the protector. Being a whole different person of his usual self was more tiresome as he’d thought. But no, after six months and a week of his debut, looked like he was not cut off to be that shiny.

It was Sunday in the afternoon, after waking up and look for an hour, or two, to the ceiling, that he remembered the name the boy asked to look. First, he took care of himself: with a shower, a meal and some movies with his family.

At noon he was ready to do the search, but all his plans crumbled at his feet when he was called to misguide a ship that was coming from the east. With nothing more than a sigh, he went to the car that was waiting for him to escort him to the place needed while his family went to hide. It wasn’t his chance yet.

9. Etc

With nothing more to say between them, they walked to the shore, took off their shoes and let the cold water from the sea soak their feet. It was a peaceful night, the city noises were quieter as other nights, the stars shone brighter too.

What started as an awkward company from a stranger, became a comfortable moment shared by two nameless persons. They didn’t need nothing, nor talk about anything, just here, each one of them with their own thoughts until the clock reached owerin the morning. 

“Would you be back at the same place tomorrow?” asked the boy when he stood up, shaking off the sand from his clothes.

“I don’t know, I’m not this free every day,” neither that he felt like going to the same places as a routine, he was always walking to different directions when he felt like running away from his true life. Sometimes going from north to south, from some streets to one city to another. In those cases he was thankful that his powers allowed him to go across long distances by himself in a short time.

“Well if someday you feel like going to a peaceful place with people that would never ask questions, look for “etc. lost”, there’s an address where I usually go, it’s a nice place.”

“And why are you not there but here or that other place?” the protector asked, still without looking at him, the observation made the boy laugh.

“Sometimes you feel like drowning your problems, sometimes like forgetting the noise you can’t erase and sometimes like silencing it peacefully.” With just that, the boy left. Teshal stayed in the same place for a little while longer until he thought it was enough.

It was a lie if he said he wasn’t interested in what the boy was saying, but his every week activities kept him far from that curiosity. His trainer decided to reinforce his training sessions in every aspect, and the people from the media was as interested in his as in the beginning, making him wonder when he would become old news.

He carried his smile and reassuring looks wherever he was asked to go and was presented before the people of the island. Without caring about being asked the same questions, made to show the advances in his trainings or whoever he met, his calm and kind demeanor was never lost.

Although he never thought of himself as handsome, only plain looking, people kept treating him as if he were some young idol the younger and the older could dream about. One of the reasons he abandoned all the social media focused on the reality, just keeping himself entertained with animated movies, comics, books, and videogames. Not that he had something to call enough free time to that. 

8. Turn left

The silence between you prevails for a bit longer than before, this time the protector even turned around to see if he was still there, and he was, just drinking in silence, with his eyes fixed in nothing.

He couldn’t know what made him asked about those exact situations, neither if was speaking about himself or someone else. Still, he wasn´t feeling as curious as to ask, he could relate of the time he had so many questions to ask, those that pop-up in his mind without apparent reason, and he knew how uncomfortable would made him feel when he didn’t have any way to explain it.

“Want something to drink?” finally asked the boy when he got up.

“No, thanks, I don’t like either alcohol or coffee,” the protector answered absently, he was a bit focused in the song that was playing from one of the establishments. Until he heard a laugh came from the guy he had at his side, making him turned left to watch what was making him be so loud, noticing that he was still looking at him.

“So you decided to come to a place where the only thing they sell are drinks made of alcohol and coffee, even if you don’t drink any?” At that point he was hugging his stomach, people around look at him as if they wanted to know what was so funny so they could laugh too, but when they just saw the other guy looking so confused, they lost interest.

“For a reason I’m not inside those places and only here,” the protector answered when the other’s laugh started to cease.

“Well they have teas, weird fruits drinks, coke and other stuff, I guess.” He went back to seat at his side, watching from there to some of the menus of the locals. The action made Teshal give a faint smile before he stood up.

“Maybe another day, I’m not feeling like tasting nothing right now, thanks.” He started walking from where he came from, he still didn’t want to go back to the House, so he wanted to be at the shore for a bit. However he quickly noticed the same guy was still following him, now without his glass. “What? Are you gonna stab me or just rob me? I don’t even have my phone with me”

What he said made the guy laugh again, putting on his sweatshirt hood to walk at his side. “Man, relax, I like the way you see the things, at least what you said before so now I’m curious…” They walked that way for some minutes, less than five till he spoke again “Wait… are you maybe the thief here? I didn’t bring my prone either and the money for my drink was everything I had in me” He showed how his pockets were empty.

“Do I look like a thief?”

“Well, you’re more covered than me, either you’re a celebrity, someone with low self-esteem or a thief” He was referring about his mask, his cap covering his hair and the hood he had on, even though they were near the cost, where those clothing were far from a normal outfit. “But I don’t care who are you or if you’re gonna kill me right here, I just feel comfortable around you.”

7. Fallen

Sundays were the only days he could really rest for all the week activities. Primary because the training always worn him out the most, making him be fully awake, though not fully recovered, at two in the afternoon. He always loved to sleep, to stop thinking and let the day pass without having to do nothing, so his force came out to him thinking in how much he would enjoy his only day off. He even went and slept in the basement of the Protector’s house so the noises from his family wouldn’t wake him up before his body said that it was enough sleep.

It was true that being with his family, as if nothing had changed, gave him some energy back, but nothing beat a moment for him to be alone and far from all the remainders of how his life wouldn’t ever be the same as before. Sometimes he wouldn’t be out of the basement until the next day, sometimes he came up to eat with his family and watch some movies, a few times they even went to the movie theater, always in incognito mode.

Sometimes, like that one, he came out in the night, when they were about to had dinner. After a short chat, his family went to sleep while he decided to go out.

Again, he was walking alone through the streets of the city, with his identity covered, he just watched from afar and heard the sounds of the sea. He was glad that his resting day wasn’t ruined by a ship sighting, as it had happened before.

He stopped until he reached a plaza where the shops around where of coffee and beer. The young and the old were almost mixed, with loud music and bright lights which made it look as it was daytime still. He went and seated in the hedge that surrounded some trees, looking at the few stars he could watch from there.

People was around smoking or drinking, talking aloud, but he had his mind far from there. Once again thinking in the day he had fallen in all the madness of the powers he never asked for.

“What’s so interesting up there?” asked the person that occupied the space next to him, he didn’t bother in look if was a woman or a man.

“Nothing, but there’s neither down here”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” The short laugh he heard made him know it was a man, maybe young as him. None of them speak again for some time, for a second he wondered if the guy went already or if he was looking the same as him, however he didn´t took down his face until he felt his back ache, just the moment he decided to speak again. “If you could give your life to people who wants to live, but can’t, would you do it?”

The protector thought about it, it was almost what he was doing, giving his all to the people of the island who wanted to live. Even if he didn’t want it, it was what he needed to do. For a moment he thought the boy saw through his disguise, but when he turned to see him, he noticed how his eyes were a bit watery and red. The question was not in that sense.

“Yeah, I would do it,” he finally said, looking up once more. “There’s people dying who wish to live, and people living with the growing wish to be dead. I would love to give both what they want.

“But it could be that people who wanted to die… may realize that they wanted to live in the verge of death, doesn’t it? Cowards, maybe.”

“No cowards, indecisive or maybe, gifted, because in the right time they saw his mistake.” The conversation was turning too weird, we wasn’t sure anymore if it was real or not.